Parent Partners: Making an Impact

2009 Partnership/ MetLife Foundation Attitude Tracking Study (PATS)

This week’s release by the Partnership/MetLIfe Foundation Attitude Tracking Study (PATS) offers both encouraging and at the same time alarming trends in Teen and Parent attitudes toward substance use.  There is positive news about some substances and drug of abuse, however, the dramatic and alarming increases in use of alcohol, marijuana and Ecstasy coupled with the decline in perceptions of harm by both teens and parents are strong indications that American Society is on the precipice of a perfect storm of adolescent abuse not experienced in the United State since the 1990s. 

This storm is fed by a growing climate of denial which sees teens agreeing that “being high feels good” and parents of teens who have drug and alcohol problems either waiting or taking no action at all to address the problem.  The ever growing number of pro-drug cues in popular culture while Federal funding of prevention programs is experiencing an unprecedented decline only adds to the tempest.  The 2009 PATS Report should be a clarion call to parents to arm themselves with the online tools that are now available to combat adolescent drug abuse and act decisively.   The Partnership for A Drug Free America’s websites of Time to Talk http://www.timetotalk.org/ and Time to Act http://timetoact.drugfree.org/ can provide valuable insight and suggestions at critical junctures when parents need them the most to confront the challenges of teen drug and alcohol use.  What to do, what to say and where to go for help are always the first questions parents ask when they discover a problem.

   In 2000 when my wife and I discovered that our 15 year old son David had a serious problem abusing alcohol and marijuana we took him to a treatment center to be assessed and were told he needed professional help.  The Center was temporarily full so we decided to try and handle it on our own.  But we were wrong.  Our delay in seeking help enabled his disease to progress rapidly in spite of the efforts of his counselors, family and friends.  David died in a drug related drowning eleven month after we first learned of his problem. Addiction in adolescents can occur rapidly which is why it is crucial to identify the signs of addiction and act immediately. 

Delay is not only perilous but it can have tragic results…we know that all too well now.

VH1's Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew

As a person not only in but committed to long term recovery I must confess that I was very skeptical regarding VH1's Celebrity Rehab show with Dr. Drew Pinsky.  Conventional 12-Step "wisdom" has always feared that the often very public addiction recoveries and relapses of prominent show business personalities causes real harm to a movement whose devotees  feel does better to function in relative obscurity and anonymity.  

However for sometime now I have applied the media axiom that "there is no such thing as bad press" to shows like Celebrity Rehab.  Today I believe that the representation of any aspect of the addiction continuum: use...mis-use...abuse...dependency...addiction...treatment...relapse...and recovery, raises the level of public discourse and can only be beneficial.  Of course there are those who are drawn to Celebrity Rehab by lurid curiosity to make fun of and ridicule the once famous.  Others revel in being voyeurs to the antics of the "spoiled and pampered" as they detox from a life of excess.

But as one in recovery who has learned from 12-Steps meetings the importance of the concept that it's the similarities and not the differences I have with others who struggled with the same demons of substance abuse and addiction; Celebrity Rehab has become a sort of on-line meeting for me.  A virtual "speaker" meeting if you will (for those familiar with recovery) where I come to hear and to bear witness to the experience of many...the development of strength by some and the recapture of hope by a few.

During the season there is never a week that goes by that I am not reminded of the power of the disease of addiction and the collateral damage it causes to those around the addict.

So mark me down as a devotee of Dr. Drew now....a recovering alcoholic and addict who is now an addict of Celebrity Rehab.

Crack Cocaine

When my cell phone rang late last night I didn't recognize the number but I knew immediately who it was.  I had been working with him for some months now.  The youngest son of a good friend; he had been in and out of recovery...struggling with addiction that had led him deep into crack cocaine.  Three days ago he had disappeared, left his home...his job and his loved ones and returned to the pipe.  He is 24 years old, the same age my son would be if he had not died of substance abuse at 16.  He looks a lot like Dave especially his eyes.  If I am rigorously honest, as my recovery program teaches me to be, there is no question I was drawn to him from the beginning because of the similarities to Dave both physically and situationally.  I acknowledged a long time that had David not died that day of his addiction and was alive today any number of scenarios might prevail.   He could be in recovery, he could not be in recovery, he could be in jail, he could be homeless, or he could be where this young man is spirally down to some unknown bottom of despair and hopelessness that only he can determine.

The conversation was a short one.  He wanted me to meet him at a gas station near the crack house where he was staying.  He needed money he owed his dealers.  They had taken his car and if he didn't get them the money he owed they were going to kill him.  He finished his plea by saying he would go to treatment if I helped.  I told him I would not give him money for his dealers but that when he was ready try recovery again I would there for him.  He didn't argue just sounded resigned...said OK and hung up the phone.

In my heart I knew I had said and done the right thing but there was no solace in that.  The tears welled up in my eyes and I felt like a broken bottle had been thrust into my gut.  I wanted to crawl up into a ball and just cry.

GOD I hate this disease.  

It Was The Best Of Times; It Was The Worst Of Times

These words open Charles Dicken's immortal Tale of Two Cities and for the past month they have haunted my waking moments as I have struggled with the holiday stretch that begins with Thanksgiving and ends on New Years Day.  For those who have experienced the tragic loss of a loved one and those who grapple with substance abuse addiction and recovery, this time of year, with it's heavy emphasis on family togetherness, can accentuate a loss or cause the return of unwelcome memories of the painful consequences our addiction has caused family and loved ones. 

This year was no exception for me.  For several weeks I was continually unsettled and yet could not get at the core of my discontent.  In 12-Step Recovery there is a well established axiom that when we are disturbed by something that we must always seek within us to determine the source.  And so it was after many 12 step meetings and conversations with my fellow recovering addicts and alcoholics I was finally able to confront the specter that haunted me. I discovered that it was rooted in my distaste for the Media's desire to capsulize the past decade (ad nauseam) in terms of endless lists of the "Best" and the "Worst". 

 I found that it was this simple retrospective exercise itself that brought back the pain of recalling this was the decade in which I lost my youngest son to addiction.  For many years after his death in 2001 his loss eclipsed everything in my life....blotting out all joy and hope.  The mere mention of any event that occurred during the months before and after his death immediately would darkened my mood as grief would again wash over my heart. And as time continued its relentless march, always against my wishes and in spite of my protestation, I myself turned to drugs and alcohol in a vain attempt to make my pain more bearable.  The initial relief from grief I found in substance abuse was of course only temporary; for when the grief returned it came with a vengeance that took me ever downward causing the greatest pain to the ones I loved the most.  Yet when the decade and my existence seems at it lowest point... the love of my family helped me see that substance abuse and addiction treatment was the best path for me out of the darkness.  Treatment did open my eyes to the promise of recovery and it was through a 12-Step Program and meetings with other addict and alcoholics that recovery became a reality for me. 

The reality is that today, and for some years now, life is better for me than at any other point in my 58 years of existence on this planet.  It includes the tragic loss of a son in this decade most recently past, my own descent into addiction soon after, my admission to a treatment center for substance abuse and my on-going recovery from that addiction.  I would give anything to have my son back but my recovery was and is a priceless gift that came as a result of his death.   For that I will be grateful to him until I meet again and can hold him in my arms once more.

So for me the decade 2000 - 2009, with my apologies to Mr. Dickens...began With the Worst of Times and ended With the Best of Times....

The School for the Deaf and AA

Last week I had the honor and the privilege of making a presentation on dangers of inhalant abuse to high school students at the Indiana School for the Deaf.  It was an extraordinary opportunity for me from the moment I walked into the Administration Building where I was met by a young woman who was to be my guide through one of the most humbling and memorable moments of my days. Over the next two hours I found myself immersed in a culture that was both familiar and foreign.  A culture where people looked, acted and dressed like me but who spoke a language I did not understand, American Sign Language. 

The presentation, to a  group of over 200 9th through 12th graders and school staff, went wonderfully and the student response was overwhelming.  When I finished they crowded around me signing frenetically their questions and expressions of thanks to my guide who conveyed to me not only their compassion and  eagerness but warmth and kindness as well.  I was greatly moved and left the school filled with admiration for those that experience challenges in their daily existence that I could never imagine.

Later that evening as I reflected on the experience I realized that I had the same type of experienced when I attended my very first meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous.  I was fresh out of the treatment center and when I walked into my first meeting I was like a stranger in a strange land.  There I found a culture I was not familiar with and did not understand.  As the meeting progressed I understood their words but they spoke a language that was foreign to me.  And at the end of the meeting many of them crowded around me and could not have been more warm, understanding and welcoming.  And I left the meeting that first night I remember feeling great admiration for the adversity so many of them had over come by applying the tools of 12 Step recovery and attending those meetings and that gave me great hope that my life would get better.

Two meeting...years apart...very different but the same....and today...I'm just a grateful traveler to be on this odyssey.  

No one ever plans to grow up to be an addict

A MEMENTO OF A MORE INNOCENT TIME

A REMINDER THAT THIS TOO IS A FACE OF ADDICTION

 
   
 DAVID JEFFERIS MANLOVE AGE 6 
12/11/1984 - 6/9/2001

Happy Birthday Dave

Dad

 

 

Addiction - A Thief of Time

In a meeting recently we discussed the basic tenet of "One Day at a Time" and how important it is, especially in early recovery (and beyond) to live in the moment.  When I was abusing drugs and alcohol my concept of "time" revolved primarily around the regrets I had about the past and the fears I had about the future.  And as far as living in the moment my only concern about the present was where my next drink would come from.

Recovery, however has brought new understandings of many things in my life today and Time is no exception. I no longer live in the past or the future and know that the Now is all I have. I can make plans for tomorrow, next week or six months from now but appreciate that I have no control of events that may alter them.  I also know that I do not have the "luxury" of disappointment or resentment over things that don't happen the way I want them to happen.

And I have also come to understand that addiction is a thief of time when one is in the grips of the disease.  Addiction steals time from us when we are using...and robs those we love of the time we should be spending with them.  The stolen moments of physical and emotional support that are lost to spouse, family,friends, and co-workers when we are drinking and drugging are swindled from them and from us and become the plunder of addiction.

And while we cannot recover that which has been looted from us by this Thief of Time, Recovery can arrest the thief and restore our humanity and humility so that we can again live in the present and be present in the lives of those we love.

Huffing and Public Policy

Last week The Today Show aired an excellent segment on Inhalant abuse entitled Huffing is Deadly Trend .  The story has prompted several queries about what changes in public policy I would favor to combat the miss use or abuse of Inhalants.

In most cases I am not a fan of criminal justice solutions to inhalant abuse.  All of the products that have a potential for abuse are incredibly useful to society when used in the manner they were intended for and we must never lose sight of that fact.  We will never legislate our way out of this issue, but having said that many States (Indiana where we live being one) have added "driving under the influence of inhalants" to their driving while intoxicated laws.  I do agree with this change in the criminal justice statutes for the simple reason that huffing and driving becomes a public safety issue.

As the video on The Today Show indicates a number of Big Box retailers (like Walmart) have voluntarily decided to limit access to certain products (Computer Duster and Spray Paint) to individuals 18 and older.  This is accomplished by coding the products so that when they are scanned at check out the individual is asked to present proof of age.  This is a good step but in most cases has been prompted by lawsuits against companies from families who have lost a child to Sudden Sniffing Death Syndrome.  

 I AM in favor of greater education in the schools and at the community level.  A a number of states and communities, primarily in New England have mandated inhalant awareness education in the public schools at the middle school level and hold annual community meetings or conferences on Inhalant Abuse.  I do about 40 presentations a year to middle and high school students on the subject and when I ask for a show of hands of many know what huffing is and know someone who has huffed 50 - 60% of the kids put their hands up.  When I ask their parents the same question the response is between 3 - 5% so there is a significant disconnect.

If you want to get an interesting perspective on the depth and breath of the problematic aspects of this issue check out this Blog http://inhalant-info.blogspot.com/ sponsored by the Alliance of Consumer Education which is an arm of the association of manufacturers of aerosol products.  It is a daily compilation of  incidents of inhalant abuse.  Kids are not the only abusers anymore.  More young and older adults are using them. 

And there is also a "War on Terror" connection that is beginning to emerge.  Among items of standard issue to front line troops in Afghanistan and Iraq is Computer Duster which is used to clean weapons, electronics and optical gear essential to the conduct of the war.  Given that both countries are Muslim and alcohol and drugs are not as available to troops as they were in Vietnam soldiers are using huffing to deal with stress and boredom and are returning to home and continuing the use to manage PTSD.

Historically trends of inhalant abuse have ebbed and flowed and unfortunately we appear to be at the beginning of an upward surge.  As I said at the beginning we will not legislate our way out or around this issue and would welcome your thoughts and suggestions.

A&E's Intervention - Follow Up Allison

I have written before of my admiration for A&E's Intervention, the only true reality show on television today.  Their courage to show the devastating effects of the disease of addiction on addicts, their friends and their family members in a frank and brutally honest manner garnered them an Emmy this year as the 2009 Outstanding Reality Program.  For me one the most important successes of this show is that it helps demystify and provide insight to the addiction continuum of use...abuse...addiction...treatment and recovery.  Intervention accomplishes this through their award winning format of not only the personal stories of family interventions on addicts and alcoholics but "Follow-Up" episodes that update their burgeoning legions of fans on what happens post intervention/treatment in recovery.

Last weeks Follow-Up segment on "Allison", who suffers from an addiction to inhaling computer duster, was a poignant example that just because an addict or alcoholic is in recovery their daily struggle has not ended.  More importantly the same is also true for their family members. Addict behaviors persist long after using stops just as enabling and denial can continue for those who care for the addict.  To be successful both addict and family members alike must use the tools they have learned to continue in their recovery.  Further the process of recovery is individual and proceeds at it's own rate and rarely, if ever, is the addict and family member at the same place at any given point in time.  It doesn't necessary mean that one is working harder than the other but rather the challenges of recovery are different for each individual.

The recent "Follow-Up Allison" episode on A&E was a good example of this dynamic where returning to her home for the first time since the Intervention caused Allison to return to the addiction behaviors of anger and resentment.  The family member, in this case Mom, effectively demonstrated her recovery tools by not taking responsibility for her daughter's anger and in doing did not enable the behavior to continue.  It left them both unsettled but Mom's action clearly established healthy boundaries for future interactions.

Recovery is discovery and the more we recovery the more we discover about ourselves.  Bravo to A&E for showing us what recovery is like in the Real world.

Hope

Hope is the vision of the heart